Surviving My First Week

I survived my first week at work! It was good to feel productive and have adult conversations with some friendly faces. Surprisingly, I had no emotional breakdowns about being away from my baby. I think the easy transition was due to:

• knowing that Lucas is in good hands with Daddy (I shudder to think of how much I'll freak out when he's in daycare!)
• Nap training starting this week, which means there's a lot of crying going on during the day - can't say I'm sad to be missing that (big kudos to Jeff for taking this on!)
• my boss and team taking it easy on me because it was my first week
• returning the week before July 4th weekend - many people were out on vacation so work was slow
• Lucas bottle feeding well when I'm not around
• having enough downtime and milk supply to consistently pump more than Lucas needs while I'm gone (I worry about my milk supply when work picks up and I can't step away three times a day to pump)
• Lucas sleeping much better at night, usually waking up only once to feed (for the first time in his life, he's managed to sleep through the night this week - twice!)

Given that some of these are temporary (Jeff staying at home with Lucas, the light workload before the holiday weekend, etc.), I do anticipate this whole working mom thing will get harder. And even with all these different factors to make it easier on me, there are still challenges. It sucks to come home and know that I have only 30-60 minutes to spend with my baby before he goes to sleep for the night. But I won't compromise his sleep and force him to stay up just so I have more time with him. He tends to wake up at 6am so I try to cherish those early hours with him (even if I am half asleep!). 

Breastfeeding also makes work challenging, even though I'm determined to go keep going for now. I can't rely on too much caffeine to keep my energy levels up. It also sucks to have to rearrange my schedule every time a meeting, lunch, or happy hour invite comes up that conflicts with pumping. I skipped a pumping to attend a colleague's going away happy hour and I'm already paranoid, thinking about how that could possibly affect my supply longterm. I also got a clogged duct on Sunday night, making my first day back pretty painful. I wasn't able to tend to it during the day, since it would make my coworkers quite uncomfortable if I was massaging my chest all day. Luckily, I managed to get two last minute appointments for ultrasound therapy and milk blister treatment so I'm on the mend. 

In the meantime, I'm feeling energized and refreshed even though I still wake up every 2-3 hours, as Lucas slumbers away through the night. Here's to an even better week 2! If I'm being greedy, I'd also love to throw in better naps and more sleeping through the night. :)

(source)

Getting Help As A New Mom

Warning: ranty post ahead!

As a new mom, I have had so many wonderful loved ones offer invaluable help. Many have been awesome enough to go out of their way to pick up my favorite meals and desserts. They have come over and entertained Lucas for me so that I can take a break, eat something, and take care of some household chores. I even had a friend offer to help out with some of those chores. While I couldn't possibly take her up on her offer to be my maid, I fully recognize just how lucky I am to be surrounded by amazing people! They often know exactly how to help - and when they don't, they just ask.

However there are tricky offers I don't know how to politely refuse. For example, when I'm at church, people offer to take my baby into the chapel and hold him through the service. But I don't actually want my baby to sit away from me for a whole hour! Especially since people then start passing him around and I have no control over where he is and who's touching him. I've seen well-meaning grandmas wipe his mouth with used napkins and offer him chocolate. I've seen a sniffly cougher touch him with unwashed hands. Ugh. Furthermore, Lucas can only sit still for 90 seconds before he starts fussing - if you try to force him to sit quietly in your lap for any longer, he's going to get upset and be harder to calm down. Quite simply, this kind of help is not helpful at all.

I also have a family member who's constantly asking why I won't go out so that she can "help" me babysit. The honest truth is that she has no idea how to take care of an infant and I would never let her be alone with mine. I've tactfully turned her down by telling her that I need to feed Lucas every 3 hours so it's challenging to be away from him for too long - which is true. She's countered by asking why I don't just pump and leave her milk. First of all, if I choose to pump instead of feed, I still have to pump every 3 hours if I want to keep my supply up so that saves me no time at all. In fact, it wastes much more time because now I have to take the time to pump, someone has to take the time to feed Lucas, and then I have a pile of pump parts and bottles to wash at the end. Second of all, after all the hard work I put into pumping, I'm not looking to use the precious ounces I pump out haphazardly. Why would I go through all this unnecessary trouble? Again, this kind of help is not helpful at all.

Maybe I would feel differently if I intended to be a stay at home mom. But as a working mom, I actually have very limited time with my baby. Is it wrong that I feel so possessive of Lucas? Whenever people ask to "help", I keep feeling like they're just trying to take away my precious time with him. I am very aware of how quickly time passes and I want to savor every bit of it that I can - even when it's not all giggles and sunshine. I'm sure all too soon, Lucas will be all grown and I'll wish that I spent more time with him as a baby. 

The Last Week of Maternity Leave

I'm sad to realize that I've entered my last week of maternity leave. While I crave the freedom of being able to leave the house and have regular adult interaction, I'm certainly going to miss spending so much time with my baby. It's a good thing that he will be in Jeff's capable hands so I don't have to worry about him for the next two and a half months. I'm sure I'll be a wreck once we start daycare though!

I feel like this is when I should be making some profound statement regarding working women having it all - something along the lines of "as much as I love my child, I also love the fulfillment I get from my career". But honestly, I'm scared that I may not feel that way. I worry that the pull to stay home with my child in his formative years will be too strong to keep me in the working world, despite my expensive education telling me that I need to keep working for many more years to justify the hefty tuition bills. On the other hand, I also worry that my career ambitions will keep me from my child longer than I would like. I might miss bedtimes and spend more time with my breast pump than with Lucas.

But I can't tell the future - I don't know what will happen and I don't know how I will feel. So I have no profound proclamations for how I intend to reconcile all these thoughts in my head right now. Instead, I'm going to focus on savoring my last week at home with my beautiful chubby little boy.

(source)

Week 38: Valentine's Day, A New First Month Nanny, and Dilation

Valentine's Day

We celebrated our last Valentine's Day as a couple of two at Fleming's Steakhouse (and ran into some friends there, who are also expecting!). I keep getting told that we need to savor our last days by eating at nice restaurants and watching movies in theaters so we were more than happy to indulge in that advice from our more seasoned parent friends. Jeff enjoyed a tasty rib eye steak while I had a delightful Chilean sea bass. I am always the weirdo that gets seafood at a steakhouse. Of course, I never say no to a chocolate lava cake. :)

A New First Month Nanny

We found a new nanny for the first month! She was fully willing to share all her medical records with us and get vaccinated, so I'm feeling much better about her. This whole situation has made me feel so vulnerable and makes me wonder how anyone is ever able to find reliable care that they can trust. At least with this first month nanny, she will never be completely alone with our baby so I feel okay that I can supervise and make sure things are getting done the right way.

Dilation

I found out during my checkup this week that I'm 3 cm dilated! My doctor says that she would be very surprised if I went past my due date at this point. I'm excited that I managed to get to 3 cm without having to suffer through any contractions and I'm only 2 cm away from justifying the need for an epidural. We're this much closer to meeting Lucas face to face! :)

Diaper Stockpiling: Pros, Cons, and How-To's

Why I've Been Stockpiling

One of the first things I bought for baby Lucas was a pack of size 3 overnight diapers while I was still early on in my second trimester. Yes, definitely overkill but Donna sent me a link to a 50% off diaper promotion and that was one of the few sizes left by the time I got to it! But that got me thinking about stockpiling diapers since I'm such a planner. Just like I'm never short of toilet paper or feminine products in the house, I don't intend to be out of diapers. Imagine being with a newborn and no diapers in the house - trying to wrangle the newborn to the store with me to pick up some diapers definitely does not sound like a  good time!

Cons of Stockpiling

Unfortunately, now that I have nearly 1,000 diapers in Lucas' closet, I have read some arguments against stockpiling diapers:

• You can never be sure which brand will work best for your baby until you actually try them on him.
• Stockpiling often involves buying the jumbo box to get the best unit price - but if it's a brand you've never used before, you may only use one pack and find out the brand doesn't work for your baby and now you can't return the half used jumbo box.
• Amazon makes it pretty easy to get relatively cheap diapers within a day or two so you don't really have to obsess that much beforehand.

How to Mitigate Against Stockpiling Risks

So...973 diapers later, I've given my stockpiling a rest. I still don't think it's a bad idea to stockpile diapers (assuming these diapers work for Lucas!). I doubt new moms have the time to be exploring brands, clipping coupons, and calculating unit cost the way I have been. I just think there are a few key ideas to keep in mind while stockpiling diapers:

• Buy a variety of brands, sizes, and types of diapers. 
• Buy smaller packs versus jumbo boxes to prevent waste (this one is hard to do though - the best deal tends to involve the largest boxes!).
• Keep receipts taped to boxes so that you can exchange for a different brand or size if needed.

How Many Diapers Do I Need?

This one is really tough, since the answers vary so widely across the internet. This is expected since every baby is so different. All my real-life mommy friends told me to avoid premie and newborn sizes so I focused most of my buying efforts on buying sizes 1-3. I do have one pack of newborn diapers thanks to a free sample but otherwise, I didn't go out of my way to buy newborn diapers. I was pretty deliberate about trying to buy less than the recommended amounts, just in case. 

Here are some of the guidelines I found across the interwebz versus what I've currently bought:

Size	Toys R Us Guide	Thrifty Frugal Mom 1	Thrifty Frugal Mom 2	Moola Savings Quantity	Southern Savers Quanity	My Current Stockpile	Southern Savers Price/Unit
NB	160	216	252	100	0	36	13 - 16 cents
1	160	160	280	1200	840	311	11 - 14 cents
2	870	640	560	600	560	402	14 - 16 cents
3	870	684	1368	1200	1512	224	16 - 19 cents

I've been using the price/unit from Southern Savers blog as a guide but that was posted a few years ago and prices tend to be higher in the Bay Area so I don't beat myself up if I can't meet it. For example, I have found newborn diapers to be the most expensive size to purchase. But otherwise, it helps me understand if I'm getting a relatively good deal or totally ripped off - I'm looking at you, Jessica Alba! Your diapers may be honest but they're very expensive, even with 50% off coupons.

Stockpiling on Wipes

On the other hand, Jeff has let me go nuts with stockpiling on wipes, since there is no dependency on size and they are so much more versatile in usage. I don't think I'll be obsessing as much about what kind of materials are cleaning Lucas' hands or tables before eating. So far, I have almost 3,000 wipes of different brands. I find that a unit cost of $0.01 - $0.03 is relatively reasonable (although I'd expect wipes on the higher end of that range be specially formulated to be gentle, sensitive, etc.).

I don't think I'll be able to be as diligent about documenting my diaper purchase prices and usage going forward but hopefully this has saved me some time and money so that I won't be as frantic and desperate to buy diapers at any price for as quickly as possible once I have a crying, stinky baby. That has been my ultimate goal of stockpiling diapers (versus thinking that I'll never have to buy another diaper again). Although I did see an ad for infant potty training lessons yesterday...I had to force myself to walk away from that! I am definitely way too much of a planner sometimes. :)

Week 36: Maternity Belts & Looking for a First Month Nanny (Again)

Maternity Belt

My hip pain got so bad that I finally caved in and got a maternity belt, which both my yoga instructor and doctor recommended. I wanted to try it on to make sure I got the right size so I ended up paying significantly more by purchasing it in a brick and mortar maternity store versus online (it pains me to see how much cheaper it is on Amazon!). After a few days of wearing it, along with taking warm baths and yoga stretches, I wasn't really feeling much better. If anything, I was feeling worse because the pain had spread to my lower back! Strangely enough, after a hellish day with way too much walking and standing around at Super Bowl City, I started feeling better. So I'm not sure if it's the belt or the forced strain and activity but I'm glad to be feeling more like myself. If that's the extent of what I have to suffer through while pregnant, I'll consider myself lucky!

Looking for a First Month Nanny Again

Unfortunately, the original first month nanny we hired isn't going to work out because she won't get the flu and TDAP vaccines. I know that some may think it's unnecessary to be such a stickler about vaccines - it's unlikely anything will happen. But I don't wish to take chances with my baby! Being sick is hard enough - being sick as a newborn is infinitely worse. Plus, whooping cough is potentially fatal for a baby.

I just wish we'd known this earlier but I'm glad we found out before I let her near our baby and put him in danger. Now we're scrambling to figure out what our options are. If we can't find another nanny who's already vaccinated (or willing to be vaccinated), we may just opt for a meal delivery service that specializes in making the traditional Chinese post-partum meals for new moms in the first month so that at least I won't have to worry about food. There's only two of these in the Bay Area and I've heard I-San House is the better of the two. Jeff might also try to rearrange his work assignments to take part of his paternity leave during my first month so I won't be all alone. The good thing is that after taking all those classes, we feel more confident about taking care of a baby so we feel like we could manage if we didn't have a first month nanny. We would be extremely exhausted though!

Super Bowl City, San Francisco, February 2016

Exploring Childcare Options

While I touched on childcare in this earlier post, this topic seemed meaty enough to warrant more follow-up! Since one of my New Year's goals is to try my hand at being a working mom (and Jeff has no plans to stay at home), childcare has been something we've been thinking about since we got pregnant. We started off open to both nanny and daycare options, understanding that both come with pros and cons. While we have a plan for what we are going to do, we know that things could always change so all we can do now is cross our fingers and hope for the best! Please note, this post only reflects our personal situation (and neuroses!) so it may not apply to you or your preferences. :)

Nannies

A lot of parents I know choose to keep their infants at home with a nanny until their babies were at least 1-2 years old. Afterwards, they transition their children over to some kind of daycare or preschool. Many of them told me how much easier it was to have a nanny - you don't have to worry about daycare germs and you don't have to worry about the hassle of getting your baby ready and out the door every morning.

I was a little worried about nannies for two reasons. One, the cost is obviously much higher for the individual 1:1 attention. Two, having a nanny requires a huge leap of faith and I'm not sure what it would take for me to feel comfortable having a stranger alone in our home taking care of our only child. You can't possibly have a nanny cam everywhere and who has time to sit around watching anyway?! The only way to get over number two is to get a really solid recommendation from someone you trust but this one is tough, given the short supply and high demand of great nannies. I even half-jokingly asked friends with parents in the area if any of them would want to be our full-time nanny.

Short of having a nanny recommendation from someone I trust, I was beholden to trusting internet sites like mommy groups on Facebook, Next Door, and care.com. The nanny recommendation posts online are always flooded with dozens of follow-up messages from anxious moms desperate to find good help!

With care.com, I received almost a dozen messages from nannies looking to start working right away within 12 hours of signing up. So while care.com seems to be a great resource for finding a nanny, it seems better for just-in-time searches. Not sure that would work for a planner like me! I'm trying to do as much as I can now pre-baby, as this is probably the most free time I'll have in a long time.

Daycares

For the reasons listed above, I have been a bit biased towards daycares. I like that there are more regulations and processes governing daycares. I also like the fact that there are more caregivers, even if they are spread out among more children. Plus, when Lucas gets older, he will hopefully benefit from the interaction with other children. There is a risk of him getting sick more but I figure baby illness is inevitable and I really can't keep him in a bubble!

I started with looking at the larger facility daycares in our neighborhood. Many of them had great online reputations and neighbors on Next Door raved about a lot of them. I naively assumed that since they were large, they should have plenty of open spots so I didn't start my search in earnest until 3rd trimester. Big mistake - these large daycares have long waitlists, often with waitlist fees, and it's not uncommon to wait years for a spot! I started to get very discouraged and berated my inner planner for not getting started on this process sooner. It seems like I should have put my name on the waiting list as soon as I was even thinking about being pregnant.

My friend Sara had recommended looking into a home daycare. As the name suggests, these facilities are run out of people's homes and tend to be smaller, since the state will regulate how many kids they can have at a time, given the space and number of caregivers. Sara's daughter spent her first four years in a home daycare and has enjoyed the cozy family feel of it.

Through Next Door and Nurture List, I found quite a few smaller home daycares with open spots. It was pretty hit and miss though. While I don't expect daycares to have a formalized teaching environment, I do want to see caretakers proactively interacting with all the children. One home daycare seemed to keep the babies by themselves in high chairs or pack and plays for most of the day, which made me incredibly sad. I understand that this helps to keep babies safe, but how will my baby learn if no one talks to him or engages with him regularly? Luckily, we found a hidden gem last week, thanks to some enthusiastic neighbor recommendations on Next Door. The owner was friendly and knowledgeable about child rearing, her house was clean and well-designated for children, and her interactions with the children seemed interactive, gentle, and caring. She also scored major brownie points for speaking to the kids in Mandarin. As soon as we left, Jeff and I knew that this was the one. I just paid the deposit to reserve our spot yesterday and checked a major item off our to do list! I am so excited to have childcare nailed down before baby Lucas is out - it's times like this that Jeff really appreciates how neurotic I am about planning ahead. :)

Resources

As I mentioned in my post, there are a few invaluable resources I turned to while exploring our childcare options.

• Friends / family: As soon as we started telling people we were pregnant, we also started telling them we were looking for childcare options - friends, colleagues, church members, etc. We did get some good recommendations but unfortunately all the daycares and nanny suggestions were too far from us to be feasible for our situation.
• Nextdoor.com: My prenatal class recommended this route and I could not be more grateful! This is how we ended up finding our home daycare. They also had a ton of good recommendations and insights for the larger daycares too.
• Nurturelist.com: I actually found this site from a parent's recommendation on Next Door. Is there anything that site can't do? :) Nurture List has a concierge service that lets you put in your desired services and dates and daycares can respond to you based on how their availability matches up with your needs. I connected with a lot of home daycares that I otherwise wouldn't have heard about this way, but none of those ended up being a great fit for us. 
• Mommy groups: I'm only part of one mommy group on Facebook, and since it covers the entire Bay Area, many of the posts don't apply to my area. It's really my fault though - I should really go find a group more specific to my area so that I can get more relevant information.

Maui, Hawaii, November 2015

Week 33: Baby Classes, Cord Blood Banking, & Childcare Options

Baby Classes

We opted to take most of our doctor recommended baby classes in our 8th month so that we wouldn't forget anything. Of course, it means we're cramming a lot in a short amount of time. If I had to do it all over again, I would probably spread it out a little more! We scheduled the last of our classes to be 4 weeks before our due date so we should be okay but it would be nice to have a little more buffer, just in case.

So far, I have found the classes really useful - particularly the infant and child CPR class. I can't believe I've survived this long without some of these basic survival skills! I think everyone should know basic CPR, not just parents.

Cord Blood Banking

I blogged about some of my cord blood banking research earlier on in my pregnancy. While I still think it's expensive and unlikely to be helpful, we decided to bite the bullet and get the minimum package. In the end, I felt like in the off-chance my kid could potentially benefit from it, I wanted to have it just in case. I guess this is how these companies get you! Since we have to pay for the storage each year, we can always re-evaluate this decision on an annual basis.

Childcare Options

I started looking into daycares last month and already I wish I started earlier. The good ones have limited open spots - it can take years for one to open up! So in the meantime, you pay to be on a waitlist and follow up diligently (because some of them won't follow up with you to let you know when a spot opens up, even though you paid a waiting list fee!). While most parents don't feel comfortable with their young infants in daycare, I like the idea of having more caretakers around, even if that means more kids. I also like the idea of a more structured program run by (hopefully) experienced teachers.

On the other hand, it's been too early for the nanny search to start. Most nannies are searching for a job immediately, not months down the line. While I'd prefer the 1:1 attention a nanny provides, I would have to feel exceptionally comfortable to leave her alone in our home with our precious child! I'm not sure if a random nanny I met off care.com would cut it - I would prefer referrals from parents that had great experiences with their nannies. Hopefully we'll figure this all out when the time comes!

Hakone Gardens, January 2016

Week 17: First Month Nannies, Prenatal Yoga, and Baby Names

First Month Nannies

In Chinese tradition, the one month following birth is a critical time for the new mom to recover. The two most critical aspects are getting enough rest and following a specific diet. Hence, Jeff and I have been looking into Chinese first month nannies to help out with these two aspects. Most of them offer pretty standardized services for 26 days (I'm not sure why it's not a full month).

Childcare:

• Pretty self-explanatory - they sleep in the same room as baby and are in charge of night duty, minus breastfeeding (they can bring the baby to you if/when you need to breastfeed).

Meal preparation:

• The meals are prepared with ingredients aimed to restore the mom's health and energy post-delivery.
• You can let her know your food preferences and she will adjust her cooking accordingly.
• The fees do not cover cost of food. You take the nanny to go food shopping once a week. 
• They can usually make enough food for everyone in the house, unless your family is unusually large. Most of the nannies we spoke to assumed it was a given that she would prepare enough food for Jeff to eat too.

Thoughts:

These type of nannies are expensive to hire - many moms have told me it's worth the cost though. They're also difficult to find, as they're not exactly listed on care.com or Yelp. You basically have to either get one through a friend's referral or agents / brokers. It's challenging to evaluate them if you don't have a reliable referral, so you are taking a leap of faith when you invite a complete stranger into your home for 26 days. The good ones that have a lot of positive referrals book many many months in advance - people will call to reserve them as soon as they pee on a stick!

Prenatal Yoga

I attended my first prenatal yoga class this week. I really enjoyed the workout - mostly because I haven't done yoga in months so I'm pretty out of shape! I hope I can keep going at least once a week throughout my pregnancy to stay healthy.

Baby Names

While we're not 100% sure on the gender yet, the boy names we like are Lucas, Adam, Jacob, and James (more or less in that order). Boy names are hard!

Fushimi Inari Taisha, Kyoto, August 2015

Week 16

Strangely enough, I still don't look too pregnant, even though I can't wear pants anymore. I can barely zip them up now so I've pretty much given up on the rubber band trick. I can't quite commit to maternity clothing yet so I'm just wearing lots of loose and stretchy non-maternity clothes and hoping I can hold out for as long as possible. Maternity clothing just doesn't seem very versatile or prudent when you calculate the cost per wear!

This week, I'm feeling overwhelmed by all the things we need to research and prepare for so I'm trying to get organized. The list is neverending but so far, here's what I'm trying to prioritize:

- Redo the guest / baby's bathroom
- Look into getting a nanny for the first month (月掃）
- Determine longer-term childcare options (nanny or daycare)
- Decide on blood cord banking
- Start downloading and reading parenting books
- Purchase the big ticket items:

• Car
• Crib
• Stroller
• Car seat
• Er...everything else?

On the plus side, I've found a prenatal yoga class and I've signed up for a bunch of parenting classes for us to attend. Who-hoo - two things off the list! Too bad I still have a lot more to go...

Kyoto Imperial Palace, August 2015