Friday, March 27, 2015

Oversharing and Refocusing

Jeff is an oversharer by nature so when we decided to start trying for kids, I had to remind him not to share this with all our friends. To my surprise, he readily agreed. I think at the time, we both assumed it would happen really quickly so it wasn't something he would have to keep to himself for too long. We're both still in our early 30s, we exercise 4-5 times a week, eat healthy most of the time, and my period is relatively regular so we assumed that we were in good shape.

While it's only been 4 months in, I'd be lying if I said we weren't disappointed that we're still very un-pregnant. It's not that the 4 months have been unbearable - it certainly doesn't compare to women who have had to struggle with infertility for much longer periods of time. But it does scare us, as we don't know if this is just the start of a difficult journey that could last much longer than 4 months. No one ever talks about the journey - you only hear about pregnancies when people are safely out of the first trimester. People like me are part of the problem because we don't want to talk about it. That's because if we talk about it, our well-meaning friends take that as a sign to ask for a status update. Isn't it obvious that if I had news, I would tell you when the time is right? In the meantime, the only status updates I have are TMI so please don't ask for them!

It's strange how my worries over SCA3 are now transferred to worries over not being able to have kids. In the grand scheme of things. I know we're in a much better place now than we were 5 months ago - I'd much rather be infertile than have Jeff be afflicted with SCA3. I really haven't taken the time to really be grateful and appreciate for that blessing since we heard the news, because we've been so preoccupied with trying. So from this month forward, we're going to focus on how much God has blessed us in our lives, instead of worrying so much about the children we don't have.

Best bruschetta ever, Cinque Terre, Italy, June 2011

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